Pandora

 

It hits you between the eyes when you are alone making the bed. You realize that the last few years you’ve been doing that degree, working dawn to dusk, browsing for potential master programs, all to please the others, of course you don’t mind.

 

You celebrate their happiness, their achievements, you celebrate when they congratulate you on your achievements. But do you really feel it in your heart?

 

Do they realize what you sacrificed to be this? the dreams quietly filed away in a drawer, secreted between the pages of a book now lying on that old dusty shelf. You doubt it, if you think of it you fall into the rabbit hole of broken dreams.

 

But if you could do it all again, would you do any different? would you not do that degree? would you go out with that aimless yet funny guy? No? why? Is it because you realized it would not matter, because there was no one worth doing it all for. Not even You are worth it.

 

Now you work fifty four hours a week, stare aimlessly at a screen at work and come home and eat dinner mechanically, check your messages and go to sleep. Then on Sunday, you come to that drawer, open it and see what you have given up, cry a bit, sift through the dreams, then close it again.

 

Then smile your secret smile, the sad one, not the one you show the world, the private one that you show yourself only. Your box is akin to Pandora’s, though all those bad things might have escaped into the world, hope still lies within, waiting to be called out. That hope keeps you going, that one day everything will be alright.

Its all alright, I guess Its all alright, I’ve got nothing left inside of my chest, but its all alright. ~ F.U.N.

True Blood and to-do lists

So I’ve been watching True Blood these days, on account of most of my shows being on hiatus for the Olympics and or out for the season.


Its not always vampires and surprise smexing, I do like the plot of TB, also I lurve the way that Bill says SOOKEH <3
Also Alexander Skarsgard does and absolutely goofy yet terrifying evil Eric. And the women in this are well much to be loved. But they grow on you.
Also Black Sails, the R-Rated version of Pirates of the carribean, oh my lord, just look at the hotness of Flint, Billy and *hommana homanna* Charles Vane *swoon*


I want to watch star-crossed a mid season premiere, dowloaded and ready for me to watch tonight

Starcrossed Trailer

An before I forget, an unparalleled book I was reading, beautiful, its reviews say it’s a mix between enders game, The hunger games and yes, oddly enough Game of thrones, its called Red Rising by Pierce Brown

The war begins...
Darrow is a Helldiver, one of a thousand men and women who live in the vast caves beneath the surface of Mars. Generations of Helldivers have spent their lives toiling to mine the precious elements that will allow the planet to be terraformed. Just knowing that one day people will be able to walk the surface of the planet is enough to justify their sacrifice. The Earth is dying, and Darrow and his people are the only hope humanity has left.
Until the day Darrow learns that it is all a lie. Mars is habitable - and indeed has been inhabited for generations by a class of people calling themselves the Golds. The Golds regard Darrow and his fellows as slave labour, to be exploited and worked to death without a second thought.
With the help of a mysterious group of rebels, Darrow disguises himself as a Gold and infiltrates their command school, intent on taking down his oppressors from the inside.
But the command school is a battlefield. And Darrow isn't the only student with an agenda...

So that’s the deal, I’ve been recommending it to anyone who listens.
So other than entertainment, lets see what’s new about me.
I’ve completed like one whole month at my new work place by the 20th and will be getting paid for my hard work and labour ( I kid, the only thing that is labourious is the walk to the bus stand :3 ).
Anyway I do love the new place, some things are harder to love, but not bad enough to hate. Sometimes the work load is non-existent, and at other times, there is so much work, my already cluttered mind forgets to call Amma (got shit for that yesterday, called her today after lunch.)
I guess I am a nervous person by nature, I keep worrying what people think of me sometimes or something I said. Sometimes this keeps me up at night, well for a little while till I am lost in dreams of spaceships and mutants.
Meanwhile I continue working, minimizing my facebook and blogger tabs, also io9 and kotaku :3, also, for some reason I can access Jezebel only through a proxy, why in the world, tsk tsk.

anyways, till I remember or do something Juicy.
M

Thursday Last and Today

 

So last week was a whirlwind of work and fun, Thursday, last (I love saying that) was a poya holiday, so my friends and I decided to posh it out by going to a tea house, or rather a tea lounge, so we ended up at the Dutch Hospital in Fort, don’t let the name fool you, its not really a hospital now, rather a very beautiful area to hang around, you’ll find quaint restaurants, tea shops, shops and place to just hang around.

Its like you literally walk into an area where the past and the present are an ecletic mix, with the older buildings in the Dutch Fort area and across the road the World Trade Center, all metal and urbanized right infront of it.

So we ended up there early waiting for the rest of the gang to show up and ended up moving onto the dilmah t-lounge, since it was a poya we had to call ahead and see if it was open, and yes it was (thankfully) we had hoped to go to the museum unfortunately it was closed.

Anyway the tea lounge was fantastic, the service excellent and the tea menu was to die for.

And after we headed over to the Galle face, walking, sniggering at the numerous couples under  umbrellas and salivating over the not so healthy stuff being sold here and there.

So after we caught a cab and headed for the colombo book fair, just let me say this was a mother loving RUSH, so many books and stalls no way to buy them all (oh the woes of a book lover).

So I managed to find a few books and run, but unfortunately not getting a way to say good bye to my friends proper like because of the crowds.

So that’s what happened last Thursday, this thursday has gone to the bloody dogs, I’m bored as a librarian in a boiler room, and I’m itching to write some thing, I originally planned to write more in this post but, I just cant find the motivation, and guess what –_– its shark week for me again…grr..

Till next time

ever the bored and frustrated,

M

Responsibilities of a ‘proper’ Sri Lankan and more about the gossip grapevine

 

While my weekend was quite enjoyable, hanging out with old buds and new. After I came back, I felt like something was missing, like something uncomfortable lodged between two ribs on my side. I have yet to figure out what it is.

I’m at work today, no specific lectures for me, but work around here is getting tedious, lots of documentation, I’m not too much of a fan, but at least its something I can do to alleviate my boredom –_– . I’ve been applying here and there trying to see if I can get another by the time my contract here is finished. While it is pleasant enough working here, I must have said this lot of times before, that I am so very jobless and bored most of the time. I’d prefer a job with a bit more action, and a bit more cushioning on my purse wouldn’t hurt either.

This brings me to the topic of Responsibility and Obligations and the horror of having a sri lankan extended family, I believe that everybody has their own responsibilities to themselves and to their family and all that jazz, but there is a difference between helping someone out and living off them.

In a country like sri lanka, if you are sri lankan you would know that there are many people, not only your family, your relatives, that means all of them, your father cousins and uncles and aunts and your mothers side of things, its all a giant jumble, and not to mention your neighbours, your parents friends, your friends parents, the guy who you buy reloads from, to the guy who sells kanda at the top of the road know what you are doing. That means they are all watching to see your rise to greatness or your dramtic fall, which they will whisper talk to each other over a cup of tea and marie biscuit, it might go something like this:

Next door neighbour (at kanda shop) : Ahh give me one kanda, aney did you know that the older girl or Mr So-and-so, just got her degree, must have money ahh.

Kanda Guy : Ah yes, I see that missy all the time waiting for the bus early in the morning.

Neighbour : Yes, but I don’t think the younger one is good at all, always playing with the animals and listening to music

……………………………

Kanda Guy : Machan, have you heard, So-and-so’s loku daughter is now a big shot engineer lu, money neh

Reload fellow : Ah really, the girl who take the bus XXX right? yes yes, she takes reloads from here

Kanda Guy : Atleast the older one is good, the younger one is supposed to be useless it seems.

Reload fellow : Ah really, how do you know?

KG : You don’t need to know that, I am very close to that family. I guess now all she has to do is get married then

…………………………….

Reload Guy (to aunt who uses same shop) : Ah Mrs P, I heard your niece has gotten good results

Aunt : Ahh yes, she has got first class you see, top of the batch (90% of siri lankans exaggerate if you didn’t know)

RG : So is she getting married soon?

Aunt : Why would you say that?

RG : A friend of the family told something like that, I was just wondering

Aunt : Ahh really, well as far as I know, she isnt.

……………………………………

Aunt (on phone to grandmother/brother in UK) : I heard the elder girl was getting married now that she has done he first class

Grandmother: WHAT!!! I wasn’t told, did she even have a boyfriend, this is what happens to the new generation, they forget us as soon as they get higher in life.

Aunt : I know aney, even when I live close, they didn’t even call me and tell, I had to here from a shop boy

…………………………….

So on and on and it will go and by the time you will here of it, you’d have done a Phd, engaged to a rich fellow, having the wedding in the Cinnamon Grand.

This is how your gossip circles will happen most of the time, not that this exact thing has happened personally, its just I have had experience observing such behavior from the family members and neighbours I have known.

With this will come people who will be all, ahh they are rich and educated, why don’t we go ask some money from them, listen you idiots, BEING EDUCATED DOESN’T MEAN WE’RE FILTHY RICH, our parents earned that money the hard way, just because we have enough for a degree doesn’t mean we get high paying jobs at once or that we are swimming in money, or every time we close our drawers we hear *cha-ching* , and if you fail to deliver you are automatically, the evil rich, selfish bastards who don’t deserve your consideration, then you’ll go from an engaged, doctorate earned older daughter, to the fast girl who spent all her parents money on useless private universities.

This is the way the kokis crumbles over here. I get frustrated, I know the good thing is helping people but with some, it ends up with them living off you.

Responsibilities in Sri Lanka, are like a sticky fly trap, once you get caught you cannot leave, you are the subject of gossip and interest, that’s why, in my opinion its best to migrate at some point in your young life to work abroad and enjoy life, come back for marriage and or if you get a good deal take the people who matter back out there. I love Sri Lanka, there is no place on earth I would exchange for my lovely country but sometimes, even patriots can be fed up of all the BS they have to deal with on a daily basis.

Well, I’ll be off for now,

Till next time,

M.

Commercializing Hate

I don't usually write quite seriously or on a topic of certain sensitive matter , if one could call it that.

Hate has become quite the fad nowadays, and surprisingly its catching. I was under the impression that the current generation was far more open minded and accepting of the whole view and not the keyhole view on important topics. The emergence of the hate groups, which are unbelievably racist and controversial have proved me wrong over and over again, and what astounds me is that the main supporters are not the older generation waiting to pull out their old grievances but the younger generation who have yet to see the impact that this might have a a mending nation.
For nearly thirty years our country was nearly torn into pieces by a war which at the last few years of its existence was a bloody massacre on both sides, the reasons unclear and now that it has finally been put down, why are people still so bloodthirsty for another war that could tear and bring down the tentative relationships between the people of our country.

While I may not be on top of each an every update of the various situations in the country, I sure do understand the basic gist of the whole she-bang. When One accuses, the other retaliates, this becomes a dangerous tennis game where one group will end up getting beaten up by the other and then the second group responds likewise, then after all the bloodshed and mayhem, what exactly will be left behind, other than strange brown stains in the middle of the road, a bad taste in society’s mouth and a dark spot in everyone’s mind. What I am trying to say is that while a party may say something that may be against your views and insulting, sometimes retaliating is not the answer, while we must always be up to the task of defending our honour and beliefs, the understanding of where the line is drawn and where it should not be crossed must be imprinted on everyone. While the saying ‘An eye for an eye’ could be used, it is also taken horribly out of context, because ‘An eye for an eye, will leave the whole world blind.’ And merely turning the other cheek will not work.

I may say this and try to explain why, from all you might hear the words, but who will listen, thus is how the wheel turns. There is invariably that part of our being, of our very makeup that will not listen that wishes to rebel and to fight till the end, even the most pacifistic person has a stubborn streak.

Human nature will not change, now or in the near future, for we are creatures of war and of survival, the large portions of our history are recorded through wars, the survival of wars or the events leading up to wars, though the past can not be changed and the future in indeterminable, we can at least try to reign ourselves in, and maybe be able to survive a few thousand years more without wiping ourselves out.

What particularly made me want to write this piece was that when wars end, people are left in a state of ‘jetlag’, a hangover of sorts, so like any other addict suffering withdrawal, there is an underlying need for strife, one man proposes a war-like cause and the others grab on to it like drowning men and go along with it.

With todays media, these are still being wide spread, with the social media sites such as facebook, twitter, blogger , these causes are being advertised, people are shamed for going against the directives and rules of this one group. What does this accomplish but more problems, maybe its just me, a girl behind a keyboard, maybe I’m not worth listening or even reading this post, but the thing is, there are people who look and people who see, people who talk, and people who say, people who hear and people who listen, what I am saying is , try to find which one you are, and where you fit into the whole cake mix.

With that said, I must leave,

farewell readers, M