So this is one of those rare posts where I tackle a more serious issue on the whole.
So I wanted to make a post about this to clear up some misconceptions and get my thoughts out there, before I begin let me say that I am not easily offended, I respect everyone’s beliefs and you are welcome to state yours in the comments below.
Now as a personal belief, I was brought up in a Christian household but one of my parents are from a Buddhist background (though this never actually affected me in anyway, i.e. difference of religions), I have never attended Sunday school, because both my parents worked and Sundays were the only real days they had a day off. But we did visit the different temples and kovils around Sri Lanka, and tried to attend church whenever we could. While I am not a deeply religious person, I do believe in God, and I believe that there are reasons things happen, I merely tend to go with the flow, I don’t believe that we must leave everything to divine intervention, one of my personal views is that, God doesn’t help those who don’t help themselves, he gave man free will to do as such, to believe in what we want to believe and why we need to believe it. And personally I harbor no hatred or contempt for those of other religions, because I went to mixed school, two of my closest friends were Muslim and Hindu, what I learned from growing up with them, I brought to my current views on the subject. It is basic courtesy to not eat or drink in front of someone who is fasting, its is also basic courtesy to not comment on ones religious and cultural beliefs. I came across this disturbing point as I was asking a Muslim friend about the pilgrimage to Mecca as I had watched a documentary about it the day before, my friend was cautious about answering the question as if expecting me to say some derogatory comment about the subject, but then did eventually warm up to the topic and explained to me about it all. I was surprised that I was NOT surprised that my friend would be cautious about this, since some individuals are trying to stoke the coals of war on this particular subject. And there are a few other friends with whom I avoid talking about the subject completely, I am sad that those that I associate with have such blunt and shuttered worldviews, and I will not be blaming them as many do, “Ahh, it is the way they were brought up, bad parenting.” This particular saying is not an excuse at all, I prefer to think that the way I was brought up and the way I grew up are different, you are the one who choses to believe or adopt an idea, and I will underline the fact
Free Will. Regardless of your parenting, you must always strive to educate yourself so you may know more about life and the people around you. If you see people around me talking about subjects that involve the harassing or the ridiculing of people based solely upon their religious beliefs, culture, race, creed, etc., you will se me flinch and turn my head. There is only so much I can do, from personal experience I can tell you, dear reader, that when I attempted to defend this, to explain in a very reasonable tone, I was jeered at and ignored, (you just wait, what would you know, you’re just a girl, ahh you just think he is cute, why are you defending him/her, if you like them so much you should marry them), within the brackets you can see an example of what I have come across. I don’t hate you fools, But I do pity you, I pity the fact that you do not know, what it is like. Sri Lanka being a country, where the majority of the citizens are Buddhists, the rest might get a bit fuzzy. Now we had suffered enough, for 30 years there was a horrible was in this little country, one which I do not want to talk about because I believe while we should not forget the past, we should learn to forgive and live towards the future.
I wish there was someway to educate those people, but not everything is as easy as cheese, so while I can pray that these individuals get some sense into them form the gods above or the devils below, I will quote John Cleese for the purpose of a punch line to this topic.
Now onto the next topic : Feminism
Some of my girl friends and I talk about this topic once in a while, so I wanted to write a piece about this too.
What really is feminism,
OED: “Feminism”: 1. The qualities of females.
2. [After F. feminism.] Advocacy of the rights of women (based on the theory of equality of the sexes).
(term coined in the 19c.)
‘Advocacy of the rights of women’, now while this is correct, and gender equality applies and workplace equality, I want to get down to the little things.
Now in a society such as where I live in Sri Lanka, there is the belief (culture not religious) that all girls should be ladylike and act as such, respect your elders, respect your husband, respect the males and all that, Our country is one where arranged marriages still happen, whether people like it or not. Now while I am all for the respect of elders and people in general, I also expect that respect is returned, you see, respect works both ways.
What really incensed me is the way girls or women are talked about our society today, the mere showing of skin between your jeans and t-shirt, if your blouse billows open at the tops, if your dress is too tight, if you sit with your legs apart, if your skirts are too short, if your t-shirts are too low cut, if you wear heels, if you wear make up, if you don’t smile, and if you do smile.
Let me tell you a few things, I personally have experienced these things, now when I walk anywhere I don’t know and men are on the road I keep my head down and walk a bit faster and tighten the hold on my bag, I ignore the “ahh nangi’s” [translation : ahh little sister] and the hoots, and if I am waiting for someone on the road (one instance I was waiting after classes for my dad to pick me up) a group of boys passed, now let me tell you, would you smile at bunch of complete strangers on the road? NO, so when I ignored them and pretended to fiddle with my mobile, I heard them not so silently saying, (wedek neha, machan, eki hinawenne wath neha ne – TRANSLATION : Not worth is dude, she wont even smile), so If I don’t smile I am a stiff and if I do smile, to them it would mean that I am interested in them and not just being genial. And one more thing that have personally come across is my field of study, as I have put up on other posts, I am a mechanical engineering student, now this is a field that not many girls have chosen, and many in SL don’t even want to poke into, though I have come across a few brave souls (Yowza ladies!), I have been asked by lecturers, engineers and many other people, “this is not exactly a girl’s field is it? are you sure about this? It is a hard working field, will you be able to take on the responsibilities?” Guess what people, Yes, Yes and Yes. Now this is at a private university in SL, in the local universities, the female students and stuff have to endure even more horrifying and cringe worthy treatment, now I once attended an IT course in a local university (I wont say which and please do not ask) and in that class there was a girl who was also a language teacher at the same local uni, she was a very nice and polite girl, we got along well. Even the status of being a teacher didn’t exclude her from the verbal abuse and jokes, I remember one incident while the both of us were walking outside of the university, (she was holding a large umbrella, monsoon season) a bunch of university boys were walking by us and they were making rude and vulgar comments on the umbrella, and joking about, now at that time, I wasn’t sure about what to make of it so I looked at she, she just smiled and said, “Oh, don’t mind they are always like that.”
It broke my heart that this sweet girl had to undergo this everyday, and should I also mention the fact that girls wearing a tad more modern-ish clothes at the local uni is asking for a rag, namely tight jeans, crop tops, sneakers, etc.
Now I want you, dear reader to see, the above paragraphs to see where I actually used the word ‘Feminism’ when referring to my experiences, didn’t find one did you?
so let me start now then. Society tells women to be lady like, to cross their legs, to cover their skin, to walk one way, talk one way and act one way, it is effectively taking away the very things that make us female, women like to be women, we like to dress nice, or comfortable, whether it is in short shorts or baggy pajamas, we like sneakers AND high heels, we like putting on makeup or we don’t, we are too sexual creatures so we should be able to talk about topics such as sex and sexuality without being harassed as being slutty or ‘asking for it’.
Another thing that I have come across, that makes me very sad is that women do not know their importance, their worth, there are women that give up careers to look after children and they are happy with that, (Well, I am not happy for you my dear), there are girls who only want to grow up get married and have babies (well I love babies and want to have them too) but you must be aware that you could be so much more, you could be an educator, an artist, a designer, an engineer, an astronaut, you could be bloody well anything, and don’t let society take it away.
I was once turned away from a job because I was female, because the management thought that I wont be able to perform as well and they didn’t want to take a risk (even though I broke my back during their evaluation period, it all came down to my gender). I have girlfriends who wont do this or that because their boyfriends do want them to, I personally wouldn’t agree to that, a relationship is something that is a partnership, not a monopoly.
I need feminism so that women can know about what it means to be a woman, what it means to be female and to respect themselves and appreciate themselves more.
I have heard people complaining, “ara pissu gani, eki monada danne?” [TRANSLATION : That stupid woman, what would she know] or “oya kellek neh”[TR: Well you’re a girl, that’s why], too many times, it was a girl who bore you, it was a woman that held you in her own body for nine months, it was she who endured pain to give you life, it was she who fed you and clothed you (But I have the utmost respect to the single fathers, the uncles, brothers, grandfathers and guardians who have done so too, so don’t get my words wrong) It would also have been a female teacher you have in school, it would be a female you will marry (if not..RIGHT ON BRODA!) and it will be a female who will one day bear your children, now what is stupid about this woman? is it that she gave birth to you, or taught you, or loved you.
And one more thing, if someone calls you a feminist, don’t back track don’t say, “well no I’m not a feminist but I think this…” say yes, be proud and say “Why are you threatened by me,?”
You must learn to fight for yourself first ladies, don’t let anyone say anything different, remember everyone is an individual, no man was made more equal than the other, it is we who makes ourselves.
So recently I came across a post, rather a video by a certain lady by the name of Chimamamda Ngozi Adiche for TEDx titled ‘we should all be feminists’
I encourage everyone to watch it not only the ladies
Till next time, Dear reader
