Impending depression and appreciating life

 

I just get so frustrated when people don’t do their work as they are supposed to, all of our lives are interconnected. Only if the worker ants do their jobs, can the queen have babies and the birds eat the baby ant thing, the cat eat the bird, the cat being tragically ending up in a curry pot somewhere in india.

Anger is something I feel but I don’t really give voice to it, its because I decided a long, long time ago that anger just takes up too many important brain cells, I do feel anger, red hot burning passionate hate, but it stays quiet. One day , when I have a possible weapon of mass destruction in my hand, a lot of people will suffer, till then you are safe -_- .

This is me ranting about work and incompetent fools, anyway, on to better topics, its hard since I have a lot of things to say about the former.

I’ve been struck with a case of writers block and a case of anxious itches, the melancholia that usually is followed by a bout of deep dark depression and a bout of inspiration. So I’m going to just let it pass.

I was on the way to work today and decided I wouldn’t hurry, just walk on by, looking at the school kids, the people hurrying to work, the smell of fried goods in the morning. Life is actually quite beautiful if you actually let it be without worrying about pollution and politics.

So got to office, and the door wasn’t open so I just stood outside, with my bags at my side reading my Wheel of Time book, till the office was opened, got here, and felt a craving for coffee and since the mcdonalds is just opposite, sent the peon to get me a cup, so I’m just here, a bit free today waiting for some work to be approved for me to work on.

Also I saw the the new Godzilla trailer, gosh darn it, it was so beautiful that I was bamboozled.

 

So I’m still trying to keep writing to keep sane

 

till next time, (when I will hopefully have more)

M

True Blood and to-do lists

So I’ve been watching True Blood these days, on account of most of my shows being on hiatus for the Olympics and or out for the season.


Its not always vampires and surprise smexing, I do like the plot of TB, also I lurve the way that Bill says SOOKEH <3
Also Alexander Skarsgard does and absolutely goofy yet terrifying evil Eric. And the women in this are well much to be loved. But they grow on you.
Also Black Sails, the R-Rated version of Pirates of the carribean, oh my lord, just look at the hotness of Flint, Billy and *hommana homanna* Charles Vane *swoon*


I want to watch star-crossed a mid season premiere, dowloaded and ready for me to watch tonight

Starcrossed Trailer

An before I forget, an unparalleled book I was reading, beautiful, its reviews say it’s a mix between enders game, The hunger games and yes, oddly enough Game of thrones, its called Red Rising by Pierce Brown

The war begins...
Darrow is a Helldiver, one of a thousand men and women who live in the vast caves beneath the surface of Mars. Generations of Helldivers have spent their lives toiling to mine the precious elements that will allow the planet to be terraformed. Just knowing that one day people will be able to walk the surface of the planet is enough to justify their sacrifice. The Earth is dying, and Darrow and his people are the only hope humanity has left.
Until the day Darrow learns that it is all a lie. Mars is habitable - and indeed has been inhabited for generations by a class of people calling themselves the Golds. The Golds regard Darrow and his fellows as slave labour, to be exploited and worked to death without a second thought.
With the help of a mysterious group of rebels, Darrow disguises himself as a Gold and infiltrates their command school, intent on taking down his oppressors from the inside.
But the command school is a battlefield. And Darrow isn't the only student with an agenda...

So that’s the deal, I’ve been recommending it to anyone who listens.
So other than entertainment, lets see what’s new about me.
I’ve completed like one whole month at my new work place by the 20th and will be getting paid for my hard work and labour ( I kid, the only thing that is labourious is the walk to the bus stand :3 ).
Anyway I do love the new place, some things are harder to love, but not bad enough to hate. Sometimes the work load is non-existent, and at other times, there is so much work, my already cluttered mind forgets to call Amma (got shit for that yesterday, called her today after lunch.)
I guess I am a nervous person by nature, I keep worrying what people think of me sometimes or something I said. Sometimes this keeps me up at night, well for a little while till I am lost in dreams of spaceships and mutants.
Meanwhile I continue working, minimizing my facebook and blogger tabs, also io9 and kotaku :3, also, for some reason I can access Jezebel only through a proxy, why in the world, tsk tsk.

anyways, till I remember or do something Juicy.
M

Coming back all bloody

It has been quite a bloody while since I wrote to everyone.

 

Well so far, I got myself a job. 2 weeks  +and going good, I like it here, the crowd is nice and the work, somewhat okay in my realm of shit-to-okay grading.

So far this seems good and I’ve started writing again, looks like im sort of back on track. So I don’t have much time but I want to make a repost of a note I did on my facebook titled itches #2 : On women

Also yeah Usual Disclaimer : My opinion, If you dont like, does it look like I care?

"I don’t want to sound like a feminist"

I hate that line, does it make you afraid to voice your opinion without the jeering and ridicule.

Usually I stay quiet about things, but sometimes it gets too far up there.

It’s strange that women nowadays have to be judged by the way they walk, they talk, the things they enjoy doing, the clothes they wear and the people they choose to associate with.

One thing I came across personally, and it annoys the stuffing out of me, "Oh so you are a mechanical engineer? Why did you choose that field? Isn’t it hard? " 

Buster! I chose it because I wanted to, I do not need to justify my choices to anyone other that myself. 

It’s not only for me, no matter what a woman does, there are so many out there to question and doubt for you...

Oh a civil engineer, are you sure? You will be on the field a lot? Oh a lawyer? What criminal law, won’t you be with all those murderers and rapists? Oh a doctor? Won’t you have little time for your family? Oh a political activist? That is a not a suitable field, isn’t it dangerous and troublesome? Oh a fashion designer? Are there even jobs here?

Well listen for a moment, read this words and realize

The WOMAN, she is not your ideal, she is HERS

SHE is not the damsel in distress; SHE is the DRAGONESS with her claws and breathes of fire

SHE is not the flower in the garden; SHE is the tallest tree with the DEEPEST roots

The WOMAN is not a poem in a book, a verse in a song; SHE is a SAGA and a BALLAD

This is not a note for the men, this one is for the ladies, realize that you are so much more than "their" doubts and their hopes for you.

YOU are not a marriage prospect, you are not a victim, and you are not responsible for the lusts of the ones that want to harm you or disrespect.

You are a woman, a luscious embodiment of life, you can love everyone and all, you are the reason the world exists, and you make more of us and more of them.

You are YOU. 

Whether you decide to work in a shop, a skyscraper, a cubicle, and Operation Theater or a site. Whether you wear long clothes or short. Whether you chose to have a family or work harder.

It is your choice. 

Our society has shamed women; they try to make us ashamed of being women. 

Fight. For you

Understand. For your future

Educate. For the ignorance

Found on tumblr :

Imagine this: Instead of waiting in her tower, Rapunzel slices off her long, golden hair with a carving knife, and then uses it to climb down to freedom.

Just as she’s about to take the poison apple, Snow White sees the familiar wicked glow in the old lady’s eyes, and slashes the evil queen’s throat with a pair of sewing scissors. Cinderella refuses everything but the glass slippers from her fairy godmother, crushes her stepmother’s windpipe under her heel, and the Prince falls madly in love with the mysterious girl who dons rags and blood-stained slippers.

Imagine this: Persephone goes adventuring with weapons hidden under her dress. Persephone climbs into the gaping chasm. Or, Persephone uses her hands to carve a hole down to hell. In none of these versions is Persephone’s body violated unless she asks Hades to hold her down with his horse-whips. Not once does she hold out on eating the pomegranate, instead biting into it eagerly and relishing the juice running down her chin, staining it red.In some of the stories, Hades never appears and Persephone rules the underworld with a crown of her own making.In all of them, it is widely known that the name Persephone means Bringer of Destruction.

Imagine this:Red Riding Hood marches from her grandmother’s house with a bloody wolf pelt. Medusa rights the wrongs that have been done to her.Eurydice breaks every muscle in her arms climbing out of the land of the dead.

Imagine this:Girls are allowed to think dark thoughts, and be dark things.

Imagine this:Instead of the dragon, it’s the princess with claws and fiery breathwho smashes her way from the confines of her castle and swallows men whole.

"

— 'Reinventing Rescuing,'

till next time

 

M

Paydays and Plain Tea

 

I’ve lamented the boredom of last week and this week, my schedule is totally filled up. Not that I am complaining. Also they extend my contract for another month till I find a job more fitting.

So yesterday was payday, I went and bought shoes, yes, shoes, a pair of flats that reminded my sister and I of the cat in the hat, (sister calls my shoes, thing 1 and thing 2). And a pair of aqua, or is it teal? heels. And also bought a few over due birthday presents, took care of a few necessities that I promised to take care of and ended up with only a miniscule fraction of the initial amount, which was then spent today to come to work. I seriously need to find a better paying job. So here I am drinking a cup of gingery though slightly watery plain tea and blogging and have a on-stop yawn session.

Other than that I cant say there is anything new-ish to tell you about, I did finish watch 3 anime series that I really wanted to finish up. But still a load of them to watch. Its quite boring, nothing much to note.

Also the traffic in the Wellawatta area is pure hell in the mornings, seriously, I mean just to get from point A to point B which usually takes maybe 5 to 10 minutes become a trial and a half that lasts for around half an hour. I just got too late to come in the bus and took a trishaw through marine drive. I’ve been watching sleepy hollow which I think is totally cool and the monsters are creeepy, love it, I want to start watching American Horror Story but too much of a pansy.

Now you see, I’m a big Marvel fan, and DC too. But the recent tv series that are cropping up are a giant let down for me anyway, Now Smallville I loved, maybe till season 5 and half of 6. Arrow was, well, the actor who played Oliver Queen was a let down, he comes off as a prat, even when he is being your friendly neighbourhood vigilante. and Marvels Agents of Shield, Which  was dearly waiting for, which I regret to inform, sort of disappointed me during the first episode, I loved Coulson and all but, there was something missing, maybe I should watch more episodes before giving my final judgment.

So I gotta go now,

and do some work,

Till next time,

M.

Thursday Last and Today

 

So last week was a whirlwind of work and fun, Thursday, last (I love saying that) was a poya holiday, so my friends and I decided to posh it out by going to a tea house, or rather a tea lounge, so we ended up at the Dutch Hospital in Fort, don’t let the name fool you, its not really a hospital now, rather a very beautiful area to hang around, you’ll find quaint restaurants, tea shops, shops and place to just hang around.

Its like you literally walk into an area where the past and the present are an ecletic mix, with the older buildings in the Dutch Fort area and across the road the World Trade Center, all metal and urbanized right infront of it.

So we ended up there early waiting for the rest of the gang to show up and ended up moving onto the dilmah t-lounge, since it was a poya we had to call ahead and see if it was open, and yes it was (thankfully) we had hoped to go to the museum unfortunately it was closed.

Anyway the tea lounge was fantastic, the service excellent and the tea menu was to die for.

And after we headed over to the Galle face, walking, sniggering at the numerous couples under  umbrellas and salivating over the not so healthy stuff being sold here and there.

So after we caught a cab and headed for the colombo book fair, just let me say this was a mother loving RUSH, so many books and stalls no way to buy them all (oh the woes of a book lover).

So I managed to find a few books and run, but unfortunately not getting a way to say good bye to my friends proper like because of the crowds.

So that’s what happened last Thursday, this thursday has gone to the bloody dogs, I’m bored as a librarian in a boiler room, and I’m itching to write some thing, I originally planned to write more in this post but, I just cant find the motivation, and guess what –_– its shark week for me again…grr..

Till next time

ever the bored and frustrated,

M

Responsibilities of a ‘proper’ Sri Lankan and more about the gossip grapevine

 

While my weekend was quite enjoyable, hanging out with old buds and new. After I came back, I felt like something was missing, like something uncomfortable lodged between two ribs on my side. I have yet to figure out what it is.

I’m at work today, no specific lectures for me, but work around here is getting tedious, lots of documentation, I’m not too much of a fan, but at least its something I can do to alleviate my boredom –_– . I’ve been applying here and there trying to see if I can get another by the time my contract here is finished. While it is pleasant enough working here, I must have said this lot of times before, that I am so very jobless and bored most of the time. I’d prefer a job with a bit more action, and a bit more cushioning on my purse wouldn’t hurt either.

This brings me to the topic of Responsibility and Obligations and the horror of having a sri lankan extended family, I believe that everybody has their own responsibilities to themselves and to their family and all that jazz, but there is a difference between helping someone out and living off them.

In a country like sri lanka, if you are sri lankan you would know that there are many people, not only your family, your relatives, that means all of them, your father cousins and uncles and aunts and your mothers side of things, its all a giant jumble, and not to mention your neighbours, your parents friends, your friends parents, the guy who you buy reloads from, to the guy who sells kanda at the top of the road know what you are doing. That means they are all watching to see your rise to greatness or your dramtic fall, which they will whisper talk to each other over a cup of tea and marie biscuit, it might go something like this:

Next door neighbour (at kanda shop) : Ahh give me one kanda, aney did you know that the older girl or Mr So-and-so, just got her degree, must have money ahh.

Kanda Guy : Ah yes, I see that missy all the time waiting for the bus early in the morning.

Neighbour : Yes, but I don’t think the younger one is good at all, always playing with the animals and listening to music

……………………………

Kanda Guy : Machan, have you heard, So-and-so’s loku daughter is now a big shot engineer lu, money neh

Reload fellow : Ah really, the girl who take the bus XXX right? yes yes, she takes reloads from here

Kanda Guy : Atleast the older one is good, the younger one is supposed to be useless it seems.

Reload fellow : Ah really, how do you know?

KG : You don’t need to know that, I am very close to that family. I guess now all she has to do is get married then

…………………………….

Reload Guy (to aunt who uses same shop) : Ah Mrs P, I heard your niece has gotten good results

Aunt : Ahh yes, she has got first class you see, top of the batch (90% of siri lankans exaggerate if you didn’t know)

RG : So is she getting married soon?

Aunt : Why would you say that?

RG : A friend of the family told something like that, I was just wondering

Aunt : Ahh really, well as far as I know, she isnt.

……………………………………

Aunt (on phone to grandmother/brother in UK) : I heard the elder girl was getting married now that she has done he first class

Grandmother: WHAT!!! I wasn’t told, did she even have a boyfriend, this is what happens to the new generation, they forget us as soon as they get higher in life.

Aunt : I know aney, even when I live close, they didn’t even call me and tell, I had to here from a shop boy

…………………………….

So on and on and it will go and by the time you will here of it, you’d have done a Phd, engaged to a rich fellow, having the wedding in the Cinnamon Grand.

This is how your gossip circles will happen most of the time, not that this exact thing has happened personally, its just I have had experience observing such behavior from the family members and neighbours I have known.

With this will come people who will be all, ahh they are rich and educated, why don’t we go ask some money from them, listen you idiots, BEING EDUCATED DOESN’T MEAN WE’RE FILTHY RICH, our parents earned that money the hard way, just because we have enough for a degree doesn’t mean we get high paying jobs at once or that we are swimming in money, or every time we close our drawers we hear *cha-ching* , and if you fail to deliver you are automatically, the evil rich, selfish bastards who don’t deserve your consideration, then you’ll go from an engaged, doctorate earned older daughter, to the fast girl who spent all her parents money on useless private universities.

This is the way the kokis crumbles over here. I get frustrated, I know the good thing is helping people but with some, it ends up with them living off you.

Responsibilities in Sri Lanka, are like a sticky fly trap, once you get caught you cannot leave, you are the subject of gossip and interest, that’s why, in my opinion its best to migrate at some point in your young life to work abroad and enjoy life, come back for marriage and or if you get a good deal take the people who matter back out there. I love Sri Lanka, there is no place on earth I would exchange for my lovely country but sometimes, even patriots can be fed up of all the BS they have to deal with on a daily basis.

Well, I’ll be off for now,

Till next time,

M.

Self impose Hiatus and control

 

So the last few weeks, I put most everything on hold, movies, anime (well except SnK), new music, books (YES, IT IS TORTURE). With the ultimate goal of studying my bottom off, so far, its working to a certain extent. So I won’t put up a long post today, you can expect a long one next week or so, I am still completing my Gagra story, for anyone who even reads it, you can find the chapters so far on the right side of the blog.

And this is September so I have a lot of things planned, I just hope it does stay on plan, free time ahead and after this Fridays exam and a viva on Sunday I am home free from any studies, WOOHOO. And I can start job hunting, while the current post is okay, I need something with a bit more action and actual work, September will have me baking (oh sweet sugar cakes the things I could make), hanging out with friends, watching a back log of anime and tv series, art-ing, sleeping, and generally sitting in front of my laptop with a cup of tea  :3, I am also going to the Logos Book-ship , yes book ship, it’s a ship with books. Haven't decided when though, and the book fair.

So much to do so little time.

So I leave you with this, Happy september and may the odds be ever in your favour.

M

P.S. Have some art I scribbled yesterday

The usual mismash, exam prepping and thoughts in the evening

So I’ve been recovering from a horrid cough/sneeze fest from last week, still a tad sniffy, but recovering well. Also with my finals coming up, so I’m studying and prepping all in all. I’m bored that’s for sure, studies were never the thing that held my interest, maybe a random topic, but never for long. I’ve tried many many times to study some subjects but I find myself unable to concentrate. Work is far more boring than I thought, and my laptop just died on me, there is something wrong with my charger or something, and I have no way to confirm till I get home.
So here I am blogging, yawning periodically and sighing. I’m taking the day off tomorrow anyway to study; I have an exam on Thursday. I find myself thinking on things long past and things that may be, I’m not usually this contemplative, but I think any girl on her period is allowed to be a tad moody,[sorry gents if that made you cringe, but that’s a fact of life] thoughtful is a mood I often find myself in, at other times its just mad at the world and craving tea.
I found myself in the bus yesterday somewhere around 6.25 and 6.30 in the evening, I had gotten a window seat and my hair banglets were blowing behind me, and realised that this was now one of my favourite times of the day. It is not quite dusk and not the night, but darkness has fallen but it still has the aftertaste of sun in its mouth, the wind that blows though the window has a hint of relief in it, cool and comforting as if to say, come on buddy let’s get you home. Not that I don’t like the day, while it is sometimes very warm the best part of the day is when the first rays of the day strike your face, not the hot, sweaty kind of warmth, but like the warm of freshly buttered toast or the feeling of peppermint facewash when you wash it off.
My cat Cleo seems to be pregnant again, so we’re trying to keep her healthy and not try to kill her periodically by smushing her with hugs, she lost her kittens last time because she wasn’t able to feed them properly, the only person more distraught than her was probably me, since I was the one who sat with her while she gave birth and moved around the kittens so she wouldn’t accidently sleep on them.
I mourn the time I don’t have, I wish I had some extra time to go eat ice cream with my friends, or just bake weird things, but as the year comes to an end I realize things might just get better. Because sometimes it seems that it cant get worse, yet it does, it grows darker and darker, bu then the sun shines and continues to shine though, so I wait for my sunshine for now, and it will come I am sure of it.
Oh also yesterday I saw a bus conductor who looked like Bruce Willis, so those who travel on the 101 Moratuwa-Pitakotuwa bus just keep an eye out, you might just meet the guy.
I’m bored and so I might put up another post today, or not, I feel restless…and now I am craving something chocolaty.
But I’ll have to wait, its lunch now. So I’m off .
Till next time dear readers.
M
P.S. *NSYNC did a comeback am totally psyched.